Muscular Emotion But Which One?

Wow! Is that some emotion! It is hard to tell from his facial gestures if it is a happy pumped up feeling or a deep down anger. Look at his eyes, they are so narrow and focused on something.

Is the focus on the camera as he took the photograph? Or is it a deep down anger focus that steroids are reported to give people?

Maybe he is trying to intimidate someone with the photo?  For sure he is an intimidating person with those muscles and unshaven face.

I keep coming back to the eyes, though. The camera caught the pupils in such a way that they drive into me.

The dark background so makes you focus on the face and chest muscles. Then my eyes are drawn to his white teeth, and my mind tried to decipher if it is a smile, madness, anger?

But then I look at the eyes and that is where I concentrate.

Photos Bring Back Memories

I’ve seen this look before. My cousin was a want-a-be, bodybuilder. Don’t get me wrong he was big, his muscles were pumped up, but he was just empty inside sometimes. The stare was like a void, and I couldn’t do anything but look and wonder.

What the Photo Makes Me Feel

This is related to the last heading. It makes me feel the memories I had of my cousin when he was trying to get bigger and bigger. Maybe some guilt, because when I stayed at my Aunt house we had to share an upstairs bathroom.

I don’t like to admit it, but I did look in the medicine chest. For no other reason than I was curious, maybe just nosy.

There were some bottles in there. Brightly colored bottles. I remember wondering what they were? Vitamins? I also remember what one of them was called. Somatropinne. I didn’t know what it was so I looked it up when I got to a computer. Somatropinne is the legal¬†somatropin bodybuilding competitors use to build muscles. It is HGH, human growth hormone.

Now it made sense. How my cousin got so big, strong, the empty looks he gave. The quick anger he had toward his mother when she would nag him a little. I felt sorry for him

The photograph in this post brings back those feelings of guilt that I was looking in places I shouldn’t have been looking. The feelings of sadness I had for my cousin that he was putting things in his body to change him instead of wanting to be who he is.

I wonder if this person in the photograph is not happy with himself as he is, that he wants to be someone that he really isn’t. He needs to take drugs to change his physical state to be the person he wants.

That is what & how this photograph makes me feel.

Guilt for my own actions.

Guilty that I judged my cousin for taking steroid-like drugs when it really is up to him.

Wonder of what this person is thinking as the camera captures his image.